“Don’t blow it!”

We’ve all told ourselves this at some point. You’ve just met a cool girl you seem to really connect with, she even seems interested in you! What do you do? You don’t want to say the wrong thing, but you don’t want to just stand there either. How can you consistently create an attractive first impression? Well, believe it or not, there is a bit of a method to it. I’m going to share with you, the top 5 steps for consistently creating attraction and getting a girl to like you. 

No, I don’t mean pinning her down and farting into her face. I mean talk to her like you would your good friends. Do you ever have an awkward silence when you’re just hanging with your friends or family? Probably not, because there is an assumed comfort there. When your mom or female friends would say “Just be yourself!” that's what they’re getting at. Guys that try to impress or say the coolest stuff just come across as insincere and try hard. It communicates insecurity. Just be comfortable and positive and assume friendship. Above all else, a woman will appreciate a guy she feels able to just relax with and not worry about putting on a face in order to avoid any social faux pas. 

In most cases, the best thing to say is the truth. This may seem at odds with how you think women want a guy to speak to them, but it’s often the case. Most people wear a kind of armor around their true thoughts and feelings, hence the term “guarded”. It’s only once we know and trust someone that we will lower our guard and allow them to see how we really feel. When women talk about meeting new guys and say things like “We just had a connection!” that’s what they’re getting at. They felt they were able to not only see the guy, sans armor, but it also allowed them to open up and be themselves around him. 

When I take clients out to help them face their fears and socialise with women, one thing I always ask them before they approach a woman is “Why do you want to talk to HER specifically?” and the answer to that question is what I tell them they should say to her.

So maybe his answer is: “Because she just has this warm smile that makes me think she’s really sweet.” Ok, so tell her that. Don’t go up with some stupid line or bullshit question, just tell her straight up why you wanted to talk to her, but own it. Do it CONFIDENTLY. Will you fail? Of course you will. That’s part of the process. But you’ll succeed too, and over time you’ll develop a confidence with your inner voice and emotions that will allow women to connect with you instantly.

This isn’t just a latin proverb, it’s also great advice for communicating your interest to women. Here at Love Systems we teach something called “statements of intent” which are exactly what they sound like: statements that communicate your intentions. When you first meet a woman, you may not have a full grasp of exactly how much you like her, but as you get to know her, and the connection seems to form, it’s good to vocalise it. This has the added benefit of keeping you out of the dreaded “friend zone”. 

So, if you’re talking and find out that you have a lot in common and she gives a cute laugh when you mention it, you might pause, look her in the eye, smile and say “You’re cute. I like you.” before continuing the conversation. Don’t expect any sort of reaction or answer to that. You just want to say it so that she knows how you feel about the interaction. Progressing it further to statements like “Remind me to get your number before you leave.” or “I want to grab a drink with you soon, we’re obviously soul mates, here let me get your number.” (Said tongue in cheek of course) can take a friendly conversation into a much more flirtatious one. They may seem risky, but that’s the point: be bold!

Ask your grandfather or grandmother how they met each other and you’ll likely hear a similar story. If you ask your grandfather It will usually go a bit like this:

“I noticed your grandmother one day when I went to a local charity event in the old neighborhood. I had never met her before, but she just lit up the room and was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. I knew then and there that I would marry her. I mustered up my courage, walked over and told her that she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen and that I would like to take her to dinner. Well, she refused me, and told me that it would take more than a silly compliment to get her attention for an evening. Well, we got to talking, and finally about 3 weeks later, after asking her more than a dozen times she finally agreed to dinner. We were married 2 months later”

Swap out some details and it’s basically the same story told from most couples from that generation. The guy was smitten, made a bold move, was either directly or indirectly rejected, took it as a “not yet.” and then maintained his conviction that “They were meant for each other.” and soldiered on. Communicating this kind of conviction about your future with her STILL works, but remember that there is a big difference between “Not yet” and “get the heck away from me!” understanding that will be your key to success with this one.

Maybe you’re short, got a big nose, a weird shaped ear and funny looking eyes. You can’t control that, and that’s fine, with a good personality those can be overcome. But what if you’re fat, dress like a 14 year old skateboarder and have a combover? Hmm, well those are in your control. So FIX THAT.

• Get in shape
• Dress better
• Shave your balding head

Embrace your shortcomings and control the rest. Women don’t necessarily need a guy who is a smoking hunk, but they DO unanimously want a guy who is self confident and socially aware enough to know how he comes across to others.